Fan
by Jessyca
Summary: Parody of Eminem's "Stan". Please read the disclaimer and please R


Disclaimer: I do not own this song

Disclaimer: I do not own this song!

This is property of Steven Cavanagh. I just thought I would post this because it is 

such a great song and Steven is such a wonderful writer! To contact him, write to:

songbook@theforce.net

Fan (To: Eminem's "Stan")

He like to think that he's a Jedi 

He dresses like Darth Maul 

hyperspace lines on his window 

He's got no life at all 

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day, 

got the pictures on the wall 

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad 

just a fad.. 

He like to think that he's a Jedi 

He dresses like Darth Maul 

hyperspace lines on his window 

He's got no life at all 

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day, 

got the pictures on the wall 

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad 

just a fad.. 

Dear George, I finally got to writing you a letter 

Tellin you how bad I wanna chance to be an extra 

Shooting in Australia's much better, cause now I betcha 

I can get a little part in it. I'm glad it's coming together, 

so come on down under, you flannelette jet setter. 

so anyways, man, E'chuta, how's it all going? 

It seems like ages until your next movie's showing 

I'm practicing, too- guess what I'm doing? 

I'm marching like a stormtrooper 

I freeze-framed it all on my computer, and I'm a terrible shooter 

I've been bumping my head on stuff too, I'm good at that. 

I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan 

I can even watch the holiday special without running for the can 

I hate Jar Jar though, what the hell was that all about, man? 

Maybe to make us forget the Ewoks, too, that stuff was crap 

Anyways, I hope you get this man, email back, 

just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan 

You're the man 

He like to think that he's a Jedi 

He dresses like Darth Maul 

hyperspace lines on his window 

He's got no life at all 

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day, 

got the pictures on the wall 

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad 

just a fad.. 

Dear George, You've finished all the shooting now, and you still ain't picked me 

What the hell's wrong with you, man? I even live in Sydney! 

It's not like I also wanna be an action figure 

or the main feature. I don't even wanna go to Tunisia! 

Just wanna be up the back somewhere walkin' past 

or wearing an alien mask like those guys 

who always faint, but I'd last. 

That just sucks man, look, I'm even saying please 

cause those people can't even spell wookiee with two e's 

Who are these? Man, do they even speak Huttese? 

I remember with episode one, the papers said he's 

angry about extras in England that ripped off stuff 

I'm angry too, George, but I think you knew that. 

With such a great privalege, how the hell could those guys do that? 

I'd never do that to you, cause you know I respect you 

but I can't fight that war for you, or even protect you 

from that kinda stuff. I try to tell others to have some integrity 

or you'll cut off the fans cause you'll think that we're the enemy. 

I got an acting agent, had to pay a lot for the fees 

but it's gonna be worth it, this will be a dream come true for me 

We all wish it was real, and it looks it the way you tell it 

cause I was a kid and it changed my life back in 77 

And nobody collects the stuff like I do George, no one does 

My parents gave you lotsa money when I was growing up 

You gotta call me man, I'm here for the reshoots 

Sincerely yours, man. PS: 

I got my own Jedi robe too 

He like to think that he's a Jedi 

He dresses like Darth Maul 

hyperspace lines on his window 

He's got no life at all 

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day, 

got the pictures on the wall 

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad 

just a fad.. 

Dear mister don't-send-applications-go-through-an-agent 

I just read where you got most of your extras! 

I blew a hundred and forty bucks for nothing - I don't deserve it 

But you hired all the other dirty mothers who wrote in, 

that's just perfect! 

So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it 

cause I went to see Fox studios and couldn't get near it 

Hey George, I got an idea for a new fan film 

See this Sith and this Jedi fight with their lightsabers in a forest 

and the Jedi wins. Wadday think, It's a cool concept and I'm pretty sure 

it won't be a bore, cause nobody's done stuff like that before 

now. If you like that idea then I've got a web page with a lot more 

but you'll have to find it yourself cause this is my final call. 

And all I wanted was a lousy quarter second on screen 

just to get into that universe and put myself into the dream 

I love those movies George, I wonder if you think about it 

Cause you made it, have you felt the wonder and the dream about it 

and your silence makes me think you're being so MEAN about it 

and when I email I get nothing on the SCREEN about it! 

See George- (hysterical scream) HEY, SHUT UP! I'm tryin' to talk! 

Hey George, that's my girlfriend. She's watching Howard the Duck 

and she can't reach the remote! See George, I really liked you 

but now I've got no chance at all of being a part of Episode 2 

Well, gotta go, I couldn't find a REAL carbon freeze 

So I had to fill up my bathtub with gallons of melted cheese! 

(squelch) (burble burble) 

(burble) 

(blup) 

He like to think that he's a Jedi 

He dresses like Darth Maul 

hyperspace lines on his window 

He's got no life at all 

He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day, 

got the pictures on the wall 

His friends and family pray that it's just a fad 

just a fad.. 

Dear Sir or Madam: thank you for your interest 

and the amateur productions that you constantly submit us 

Unfortunately, our policy says we cannot accept 

unsolicited submissions, 

so they're not reviewed or kept 

We're not sure what you mean when you say we "dissed you" 

You seem to think your work is such that we can't resist you 

but your legal standing has a hole that Jabba could fit through, 

so if you persist in this 

we'll have to "cease and desist" you 

It's not as though we need the fans to give us creative input 

look at the Qui-Gon Jinn-ger snaps in the Darth Maul cookbook 

and don't suggest that we both could make some money 

because we've seen your work and frankly, it isn't all that funny. 

We would, however, like you to have one of our web sites, 

as long as you don't read the fine print about who owns the copyrights. 

We don't need you, with your concepts, your costumes and your scripts, 

artwork, fan fiction, comics and whatever this 'filk' is 

we don't want to appear as a killjoy, please try and understand 

there's nothing we want to ban, we really do want you as a fan. 

But to work our magic, we really need to be left alone 

in the ivory tower to talk to the man on the throne 

We're now in post-production, and our time is totally committed 

which is what YOU SHOULD BE, and GET YOURSELF A STRAIGHTJACKET FITTED!

So be reasonable now. Come on, think about it please. 

We're professionals- we don't take fanboy cheese!


End file.
